The Motherhood Paradox

Motherhood is everything I ever hoped for and not at all what I expected.



It brings out the absolute best in me and my very worst -- my greatest fears and my deepest insecurities. It is losing my temper when I desperately don't want to and laughter when I least expect it. In its highs and in its lows, it teaches me to rely completely on my Heavenly Father.

Motherhood is the hardest and most rewarding calling I will ever hold... all wrapped up in two precious girls who call me "Mama."


Inspired by: Anne with an "e"

That Week She Learned to Pray

This week we had a little talk about prayers and what we can say in our prayers. Well let me just tell you... three year old prayers, so far? They are my fave.

She was getting in a memorized prayer mode of blessing the food... always, in all circumstances, whether there was food to be eaten or not. So we talked about what prayer really is and now her prayers have changed to something a little like this....

Dear Heavenly Father,
Please bless the..... wait! We not eating food!! Ummmmm.... Help me clean my toys and my books and I grow my hair to my bum and my legs and my feet! Thank you for Anna and Sven and Olaf and Kristoff and I love Anna and Elsa and Flynn. And thank you for Georgie. And Daddy he come home safe in his car and.... Mommy now what?!
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!

Oh how I wish I could keep her like this forever!

For Your First Birthday

Dearest Sissy,

On your birthday I kept thinking back on the day we first met. It was a whirlwind of faces and excitement as family buzzed through the recovery room, wanting to see your squishy little cheeks before we headed to bed after a long, emotional day. Finally, it was late that evening and we were alone for the first time in that dimly lit recovery room. I wish I could relive that sweet moment, drink in your newborn smell, look into those dark round eyes and feel again of your spirit fresh from heaven.

Now a year later, I cannot remember life before that moment. You have brought so much joy and so much light into our family.

Today as I chatted with a close friend about life, and motherhood, and the world we live in, I was reminded of my insecurities as a young girl and how there was a day that all of that changed for me. It was the day I realized in my heart that I am truly a daughter of God and that I have a Savior who loves me.

Sweet girl if there is one thing I hope to teach you, it is that you have a Savior and a Heavenly Father who love you more than you know. Your worth will never be determined by others because Father in heaven has already determined your worth, and it is infinite.

I love you my sweet baby. I am forever grateful that I am yours and you are mine. Happy first birthday my love. XOX

Love,
Mama

Woes of a Mom with a Non-Napping Baby...

Mostly I am just writing this to get it off my chest. Not for sympathy or advice. Just because I need to get it out. And it might get random. Okay it will most likely get random, but I just need to get my thoughts out... 

So here we go.. no edits...

I hate letting my sweet baby sit in her crib and cry. It is torture.

I know the second I go in there and pick her up that she will stop. I know that she just wants to be with me... that's all.. just some company. That shouldn't be too much to ask, right?

I know that as soon as I love on her a little and snuggle up to her that she will look at me and smile that gummy-smile, despite the fact that I have seemingly abandoned her for the last 20 minutes. 

But I also know she is a little girl who is busy growing and she needs a dang nap! But isn't there a better way than letting her just cry it out?! It makes me want to cry when I hear her screaming... and all the fuss over a silly nap.

But... if I give in and go pick her up then am I a bad mom for being inconsistent? Or letting her win the power struggle? Or for not sticking to the schedule?? Will I pay for it later when she hits two?? Which I know is coming all-too-soon since every single parent I see tells me that they grow up too fast...

And all of this gets me thinking about Heavenly Father and how terrible it must be for Him to see us struggle... His children. 

It only makes sense to me that there must be times when He wants to just eliminate the pain, the hurt, the struggle, the trial... but, He knows that it will be for our good--that the struggle is what will help us learn.

It makes me grateful for Christ who understands all that we go through in these moments of trial and despair. That He is there with open arms just waiting for us to come to Him, to confide in Him...

Like I said... lots of random thoughts...

All I'm saying is the girl needs a nap, but I don't know why it has to be so so so hard...

So in Love

I don't know what it is about today, but I am so so in love with this little girl...

I love her high-pitched cry, her delicious gummy smiles, her attempts to coo, and the way she kicks her chubby little legs.

Today I was watching the young women broadcast and it really made me think about what it will be like to raise this little girl. Heavenly Father sent her to our family for a reason and he trusts us to raise her and love her. I couldn't be more grateful!

Moments that Matter Most

This video was just what I needed this morning. Oh man let me tell you that everyone is right about being young and married and starting a family when finances are tight and it seems like every other option would have been the easier road. But when I start to feel overwhelmed I am somehow always reminded of the things that matter most. I have the {funniest, best, most adorable} husband ever. My due date is officially less than a week away. We both have amazing families. And we have our faith. Nobody ever said life would always be easy... actually they usually tell you the opposite and its true, sometimes life is tough. But the hard times never take away from what matters most unless you allow it to.

So here's to being thankful for awesome dads who unexpectedly bail you out of your washing machine dilemma, Tyson who's up so so early studying and needs a five minute snuggle break at 5am, and enjoying pregnancy for yet another day.